Apache: a martial arts story
by ThisisWolf134
Summary: This fanfiction is set in a winter's night sometime after the great wedding fiasco, apparently someone has sent an Apache gunship after our hero, Ranma Saotome! Will this be his last battle ever? Read it to find out.


**Apache: a martial arts story**

by Alex Young

This fan fiction is set in a winter's night sometime after the great wedding fiasco, apparently someone has sent an Apache gunship after our hero, Ranma Saotome! Will this be his last battle ever? Read it to find out.

It was a cold, wet, and miserable night in Nerima. A looming, menacing, vicious looking steel wyrm can be seen patrolling the night skies above the neighborhood with its twin turbo-shaft engines roaring. The snow glistened to the searchlight as its beam scanned back and forth in a zig-zag pattern only to have the machine attached to it fly off into the distance.

The Tendo household: it's inhabitants slumbering peacefully as usual, even with Ranma Saotome; a martial arts prodigy, catapulting from one of his nightmares likely resulting from his premature lessons in the outlawed cat-fist technique. Ranma found himself panting harder than a dog in heat, as he struggled to make sense of what went on in his ailurophobic dreamscape. After a while, Ranma toppled flat on his back, surprised that he managed not to wake Genma Saotome's jusenkyo curse form panda snoring next to him. "Oh man, what a nightmare." he moaned afterward, pondering as to whatever monstrosities had tried to do him in back there. Ranma was about to drift back to sleep, when a harsh, whirring cacophony had suddenly inundated the room.

Ranma, awakened by this, proceeded to investigate. A blinding light pierced into their sleeping quarters, banishing the darkness that had cloaked its walls. Ranma walked up to the window and bellowed "Hey you! I'm tryin' ta catch some shuteye over here! Keep it down!" The Apache helicopter gunship did not answer. Instead it hovered over the Tendo compound intently, awaiting the go ahead from whatever higher power sent it.

Then, without warning, the 50 caliber machine gun burst to life resonating in a flurry of hot lead. Ranma dodged with blistering chestnuts-roasting-in-an-open-fire reflexes. Akane Tendo; the betrothed schoolgirl of Ranma's, brought forth a shriek of terror as bullets streaked across into her room. "Akane!" Ranma yelled as Soun Tendo; her father, bolted upstairs screaming "My babies!" "You all right in there? can ya move?" Ranma queried as he rushed into Akane's room. Another maelstrom of bullets shredded the airspace in the upstairs hallway between Soun and Ranma.

"Shit!" Ranma violently hissed as Soun screamed whatever carbon dioxide he had out of his lungs. "L-L-Looks like somebody's got a beef with me." He shuddered. "Nuttin' I can't handle." Ranma confidently smirked as he rushed out to face the mechanical flying spitting monster head on. A pajama-clad Ranma leapt onto the still-prone panda, out the window, grabbing onto the piping hot barrel of the .50 cal that had turned the wall opposite to the window as well as the window itself into Swiss cheese. "Hiryu Shoten Ha!" Ranma boomed as he managed to knock the million dollar warplane high into the sky. Ranma let go of the barrel and he was catapulted out through the high end the tornado. Ranma was now airborne as he braced himself for impact. As soon as he found his bearings, he stretched his feet outwards and made a crater down into the snow-blanketed backyard.

The gunship rectified its altitude mid way into the heavenly-dragon's-ascent vortex and escaped. Ranma, thinking that the worst has yet to come, rushed straight into the kitchen. He then grabbed a bowl of Akane's Ramen noodle soup that smelled like gasoline for some reason, poured it all into a funnel leading down into an already half-full glass sake bottle. He removed the funnel, and inserted a piece of tissue paper in its place, and lit it with a Zippo lighter he found lying around.

Ranma then charged into the whiteout with the makeshift Molotov cocktail as the airborne predator with rotor blades, came around and unleashed a barrage of hellfire missiles in his direction. "Eat this, you bastard!" Ranma rasped as he kicked the glass bottle into its cockpit, shattering with the concoction igniting upon impact. Within seconds, the whirling dervish is engulfed in flames that send it careening out of control, ripping part of a side of the Tendo residence to ribbons. The craft fishtailed itself into a neighbor's home and exploded into a smoldering mass of creaking, groaning scrap metal and ruined masonry.

The rest of the Tendos, in addition to the old lecher Happosai and the panda, gathered behind Ranma. "Hey panda, what's with all the ruckus?" Nabiki quipped in the background, as the panda responded with a sign displaying "Search me, I haven't even the foggiest." Ranma proactively lifted the burning wreckage right side up, tearing opening its doors, and forcibly dragged the pilot and the copilot out of it, both of whom survived with only minor injuries. The rest to the family pitched in to help Ranma out on his endeavor to take his captives home with him.

The very next day, after Kasumi had treated their wounds a la Dr. Tofu, both pilots regained their consciousness only to find themselves hog-tied to a tatami mat staring a very irate Ranma in the face. "Okay you two, talk! who sent you to try and kill me!?" he interrogated with his now-human father Genma wolfing down his breakfast in the background. "Now!" their boy captor snapped, his prisoners flinched in reaction. One of them then gulped and confessed "Ask your dad, he's the one that sent us in to get you." Ranma nodded in agreement, not the least bit surprised knowing that the Saotome patriarch would pull a stunt like that on his own son! How could he get away with something like that!? With a crack of his knuckles, and an evil looking grin on his face, Ranma took it up on himself to punish his father in the most fitting way he knows how; By kicking his fat ass into the ice covered Koi pond.

Genma made all sorts of angry panda noises as he emerged form the pond and them lumbered up behind his son holding up a sign that said "What was that for!?" "That was fer tryin' ta deep six my ass las' night, pops!" Ranma spat back holding the panda by his chest in a vice-grip. The panda immediately countered with a sign saying "What do I know, I'm a frigging panda for Pete's sake!" "Ranma Saotome, we doth come to cleanse this establishment of thine filthful presence" a familiar voice washed over as Ranma looked behind him to see the poetic kendoist Tatewaki Kuno, with the lost boy Ryoga hibiki flanking him to the left, and the blind hidden weapons master Mousse to the right. Ranma spits into the ground "Teh, I can take all of you clowns on any day of the week." Ranma confidently smirked as he made a back-flip into the backyard, with his three rivals zooming in his direction like a freight train at full force. Well, let's just say that it's business as usual at the Tendo family home. Or so it seems?


End file.
